How to Deal with it?
“Bruno Bettelheim, a survivor of the Nazi death camps, argues that the root of our failure to deal with violence lies in our refusal to face up to it. We deny our fascination with the “dark beauty of violence,” and we condemn aggression and repress it rather than look at it squarely and try to understand and control it.”
― Dave Grossman, On Killing
Consider this quote, deeply and from the depths of your very soul - Do you agree or disagree? Is there some validity to the claim from Bruno Bettelheim? How does the way we consider the trauma, the violence we experience mold our manner to manage our own response to it? Can we lessen our ongoing trauma and crisis responses if we would, as Bettelheim submits - ‘look at it squarely and try to understand and control it”?
What would it take for each of us to face those areas of our lives which scare the daylights out of us - to look at those things squarely, firmly, with a courageous faith and challenge it under the authority of the Lord, rather than to run from it? How would that change us, or would it?
Let’s talk about this for a little while as we continue the onward forward momentum of healing and finding hope.
How do you handle your past? It has been said that our past cannot harm us, but the way it is dealt with can. If this is accurate, does that mean we have say in how we manage the past? What about the chemical changes in the brain, or the new neuropathways which may be crafted by trauma? Can we learn new ways to face those stressors?
Although this discussion will not focus on every group of individuals (children, adults, sexual trauma, military / combat trauma, and other people groups), nor can it be at this time. These discussions will remain more general for consideration into new approaches on trauma response.
Let’s consider a Spiritual response model for trauma.
Forgiveness: Often we fail to recognize how this plays an integral part in our transforming for the better. If you have been through a personal violent trauma, such as physical (Domestic Violence), sexual assault, combat related stress, or other such physical acts of intrusive trauma, then forgiveness may be a factor in healing your very soul and inner being. How does this work exactly? How can we learn to forgive those who have committed such acts against us? I will let you in on something, ‘you cannot.’ I know God is able to bring you into a place where you can ask Him for forgiveness for yourself, and for those who have substantially wronged you. This does not mean you want to be with those who have harmed you, it just means you leave the results to God. Forgiveness is something which may have to be entered into regularly, daily, constantly, spiritually, humbly. You may not be able to forgive the person (or people, or events) now, you may be struggling to just learn how to breathe and get out of bed to go to work, but perhaps, one day, with the guidance and support of those you love, and especially the Lord - you will be able to offer that forgiveness. It is more powerful than you think, and when you learn to start forgiving, healing becomes attainable.
Forgiveness promotes wholeness
What is meant here? When we learn to forgive, we begin a process toward hope and healing which can bring about wholeness, yet it does not necessarily mean wholeness will happen, nor does it mean you may not have to go back again and forgive those who wronged you- which caused such trauma. You may not be able to fully forgive, but even if you can do it partially, this is amazing progress forward! Don’t ever stop seeking forgiveness for those who have harmed you! I know this is counter-cultural, “FORGIVE THOSE WHO CAUSED SUCH TRAUMA?” Consider these powerful words -
“Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots” (Luke 23:24, King James Version).
This is the Lord of glory, our Savior crying to His Father to forgive those who were killing Him. How does that sit with you? The Bible says, “God demonstrates His love for us in this, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (see Romans 5:8). You can substitute that word sinners for enemies in my opinion, although the Greek does not offer that as an exact definition, but uses these words - ‘Falling short of what God approves' or ‘detestable’ or ‘depraved’ or ‘devoted to sin’ and perhaps also this one, ‘especially wicked’ - this sounds like being an enemy to me. Jesus also makes this statement, “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44, New King James Version).
It won’t be easy, but it will help bring you closer to healing in your own life through the trauma you have experienced at the hands of someone else, and this brings you closer to wholeness.
As we seek these areas, perhaps, they are the beginnings of staring at those unspeakable harms, and learning how to control our responses to the past intrusive thoughts? We may not be able to control what happened to us, the world may not be safe, but we may, with the help and grace of the Lord be able to respond in a healthy manner as the journey continues.
I think we can hold on to these for now, but consider looking at some other areas to include in a spiritual model for trauma. Don’t ever give up your journey to find healing.