Let’s talk about it
There is a strange silence in the realm of discussing difficult topics. Don’t believe me? How about this, let’s talk about SUICIDE.
Have you ever had this tough conversation with anyone? With someone you love(d)? It is tense, it is uncomfortable, it is necessary. I would rather have the difficult discussion with someone, then to avoid the awkwardness of the feeling itself. Does that make sense?
How do you have these discussions? What are the contributing risk factors? Are there any protective factors?
According to the CDC, here are some personal risk factors:
Previous suicide attempt
History of depression and other mental illnesses
Serious illness such as chronic pain
Criminal/legal problems
Job/financial problems or loss
Impulsive or aggressive tendencies
Substance use
Current or prior history of adverse childhood experiences
Sense of hopelessness
Violence victimization and/or perpetration
It should be clearly understood, however that there is no one factor that leads to a decision to suicide. The bullet-point number two as noted here and on the website (Risk and Protective Factors | Suicide | CDC) indicates that a history of depression and other mental illnesses contribute, and yet it is not the primary factor alone- in a decision leading to suicide.
If we are honest, perhaps we all are experiencing one or a couple of those factors in our lives on a regular basis. Does this mean we are suicidal? Not necessarily, but what happens as we develop more and more of those risk factors? Who is immune? As a Pastor, an ARNG Chaplain and Hospital Chaplain am I immune? Are you? How do we avoid becoming overwhelmed by risk factors and protect ourselves from the risk of suicide?
People are resilient for the most part and can handle many complicated things. It is when our own resources are depleted or set aside for a long period of time, when we don’t engage in our own self-care, or when we utilize poor coping strategies such as turning to gambling thinking things will get better if they have more money, or maybe someone turns to sex, or enters into risky behaviors? turning to illicit and prescription medication, or consuming more alcohol than usual, many times per-week to help overcome experiences that we see a declination of our resiliency and need help.
Alcohol by itself is not what this discussion is about, let me be clear. If you struggle with alcohol, if you know you are an alcoholic - then please find additional help through resources that I will include in this blog / article. I am not a LADC (Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor) and want to make sure that you have resources to help in your walk as needed. Please reach out.
If you don’t regularly consume alcohol, and find yourself drinking a lot, perhaps after a recent crisis, or traumatic episode, consider how the alcohol may be acting as a soothing agent for stress. If this continues, it may lead to other poor coping mechanisms.
Ask yourself some questions:
Am I drinking alcohol to avoid dealing with the pain of things in life?
Have I been consuming more alcohol lately? During work hours, or school?
Why am I drinking?
While previous attempts of suicide, depression, mental health considerations (such as PTSD) may be risk factors, these risk factors can be taken to a risky behavior place, if you understand what I mean?
Sometimes people who are isolated, depressed, and have attempted suicide in the past, or have a family member who has completed suicide in the past - may act in unusual, strange and dangerous ways to help distract them from the pain, the hopelessness, and this may go unnoticed or unchecked by people. Let’s be attentive to others around us and learn to listen to hear and understand and not to react.
What are some protective factors?
Reasons for living (for example, family, friends, pets, etc.)
Strong sense of cultural identity
Relationship Protective Factors
These healthy relationship experiences protect against suicide risk:
Support from partners, friends, and family
Feeling connected to others
These are a few of the protective factors that help in preventing suicide. Although this is not an exhaustive list, I encourage you to click on the CDC button below (and the other buttons for additional resources) to look at other factors. I am especially blessed that one of the protective factors is a religion or faith or having strong objections to suicide.
Please also know that when you are dealing with your own thoughts on suicide, if you have or ever do, it is important to know, that many people have thought about suicide, in fact one statistic is that 1:3 people have thought about suicide at least one time in their life. This writer has.
We all go through dark and scary places, that we don’t want to open up to anyone about, but I am here to tell you this - we need to open up and talk about them if we are to find hope and healing. Now is the time to consider what is being written here, not in the midst of darkness, when you are spiraling into deeper and darker blackness.
Can we talk about warning signs? Have you ever thought about these? What puts someone at risk, what are protective factors, and what are the warning signs? Although many warning signs are subtle, perhaps barely noticeable I will make a disclosure statement here in large upper case letters:
WE MUST PUT THE MOBILE DEVICES DOWN, WE MUST LOOK PEOPLE IN THE EYES, WE MUST TAKE TIME TO INVEST IN THEM, WE MUST CREATE AND CULTIVATE REAL RELATIONSHIPS, WE MUST!
We have become accustomed to a digital platformed world. Media is not a bad thing, yet we have come to rely on it, we are codependent on it, and if it crashed tomorrow, we would be hollow and empty without it (not all of us, but many of us). Have you ever left home and forgotten your mobile phone? You were unable to go home and retrieve it, and for the remainder of the day your were constantly checking your pocket, looking for the device? It is an addiction, people have gotten bullied over social media, and suicided largely as a result of it.
If you are one of the people who say “Good Ridens” to mobile phones and digital platforms and would rather live in the colonial days of the 17th century, then good on you, but those days had their share of troubles too. We cannot go back in time, unless you are Dr. Emmett ‘Doc’ Brown, who has a flux capacitor to send Marty McFly from 1985 back to 1955, which sounds cool, and they had better music then.
Since we cannot go back in time, we have to live in the today, and learn to negotiate media, and how to limit our time with it.
Disclosure here - media is not a bad thing, and does not cause suicide, it can clearly contribute to suicidal notions, and with cyber-bullying and other such images on media, and a lack of proper guidance for using media… it can contribute to a lack of well-being, especially in younger people who have not fully developed cognitively. USE WITH CAUTION.
SO? what are warning signs? Here are some, again not exhaustive:
Talking about being a burden
Being isolated
Increased anxiety
Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
Increased substance use
Looking for a way to access lethal means
Increased anger or rage
Extreme mood swings
Expressing hopelessness
Sleeping too little or too much
Talking or posting about wanting to die
Making plans for suicide
All of these warning signs, protective factors and risk factors are at the CDC button, these are not mine, they are also not unique to a certain people group, culture, or faith… Suicidal thoughts, suicidal actions, grief from losing someone to suicide IMPACTS ALL OF US!
Have you ever heard someone say something like this:
“Man, things stink right now, I am just going to kill myself".” ???
What did you do? Did you shrug it off thinking it was a way to blow off steam? Did you stop them and ask if they were serious? What was your reaction? We cannot remain passive in this area; we must become relational.
Taking time to care for someone will come at a cost to you personally, professionally, emotionally, spiritually, perhaps even financially. If you or someone you know is having a hard time, or are struggling with invasive thoughts of trauma, it is important to check with them, and yourself. Get help if you need to, help someone else to reach out for help and hope.
This is a movie from 2009 and addresses teen suicide. I don’t own the rights to the movie, nor do I support some of the views, or the sexuality. I do support the message of saving a life. “What do you want your life to be about?”
The movie may contain violence, and clearly portrays a self-inflicted injury from a firearm, leading to death. Please do not watch this movie based upon this blog/article, or if you are struggling and suffering with thoughts of suicide. Please reach out, dial 988 get help. You are loved and not alone.
When I talk to people who may be suicidal, I need to relay the simple truth, they are valued, loved, and cared for by our Compassionate and loving God.
You my friends are loved and valued more than you know.