Who am I now?
‘Who am I now? A look into the abnormal norm’
If my memory is correct, which often it is not, a movie called the Young Frankenstein with Gene Wilder (1974) spoke of the ‘Abby normal’ which has become a catch phrase for this guy. COVID-19 happened to the global economy, and things changed in a moment, and became the new normal, and even within this understanding of change and what is normal, things changed multiple times within the past year and a half and now the question is, “just what is normal?”
When I was younger, I gave my first death notification when I was a 19-year-old. This was unexpected. You see, the notification I delivered was to the parents of my girlfriend who practically died in my arms. She was in a horrific accident that happened in front of me one night. I recall the glass and the smell of the hot car, the smell of fluids rushing out of the car, and the distinct feeling of the cold in the air, although I don’t know if it was cold, or if I was cold because my spirit knew what was coming.
The moment changed my normal sense of self in a twinkling, and I would never be the same. I held my girlfriend, she said she was cold, so maybe we were both feeling the sacred wound, hers would be fatal, mine would be lasting to this day.
What does normal look like after such a tragedy? What does it look like when soldiers go off to a combat zone and see and do things which should not be done? What is the impact to the soul and spirit of a person as they are placed in horrific circumstances, or life-threatening situations? What is the cost to the whole person, and how can a person ever be whole or healed again?
In the gospel of John we see an account where Jesus is addressing a certain man who was sick, he had an infirmity for thirty-eight years. The account goes, “When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, “Do you want to be made well?” The sick man answered Him, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming, another steps down before me.” Jesus said to him, “Rise, take up your bed and walk.” And immediately the man was made well. Took up his bed, and walked. And that day was the Sabbath” (John 5:5-9 [NKJV]).
Another rendering here for the question is, “Do you want to be made whole?” We see that in King James, “Wilt thou be made whole?” This is a tremendous question to consider! Can we ever be back to the normal we once were before infirmities and trauma? I say the answer is ‘we can’ but the other consideration is, do we want to be? How long have you be in this condition?
Who I am now is definitely informed by the trauma I have experienced, yet can I be normal, or am I being made into a new normal, a better sense of myself as a response to the exposure of trauma? Look let’s be clear, no one wants to go through suffering and trauma, but we don’t get to choose if we will go through the suffering or if we will be immune.
Can we change our neuropathways in the brain as they have changed from trauma? I can’t change them, but I believe the Lord can, and perhaps He is asking each of us if we want to be made whole today? Maybe He is saying His grace is sufficient, and you will walk in the new informed identity in order to minister to others, or perhaps He is saying to you, I can heal and deliver you from this, from those intrusive, yet sacred wounds in your mind from all you have seen and witnessed. I can make you whole in the healing.
I have been healed before from a physical injury, and I know that God is still a healer. Perhaps He will heal me of my PTSD, or maybe He wants to use those circumstances to help someone else?
Someone once made this statement, “The LORD gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD” (see Job 1:20-22). This man Job who was upright in the land lost everything, suffered devastating loss of children, servants, livestock, and much more, if there was someone in the Scriptures with PTSD, it could have been Job. His response was to bless the name of the LORD.
I don’t know about you, but in my devastation and loss I just fell apart, when I should have fallen on the goodness of God.
So, can we be made whole, can we have a normal identity? What do you think? We are still made in His image and likeness (see Genesis 1:26).
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Thank you always,