It’s still me
‘It’s still me’
An old song (1983) by Elton John called “I’m still standing” came to mind the other day, although I am not an Elton John fan, the song title says very clearly, “I’m still standing” and then goes on to truly solidify this claim by these words, “Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!”
I am truly standing are you? I am created in the image and likeness of God (see Genesis 1:26). Although we are exposed to much tribulation, things which cause nightmares, and require us to sit with our backs to the walls so we can see the room more widely, we are standing today. I invite you now, stand firm.
“We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed – always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body” (2 Corinthians 4:8-10 [NKJV]). We may not experience things like the apostle Paul, but we have experienced something life changing, and our soul knows this, we are not the same, we are different, but we are also not the diagnosis as previously stated.
In the abstract of an article from Analytical Psychology, we read these words, “Currently there is greater appreciation of the affective, relational, embodied aspects of therapeutic work and the way in which these relate to traumatic early interactive experience that is held outside of human awareness.”[1] There appears to be a strong consideration for intervention into the wound which is held outside of human awareness. Some people may seek to fit this into a medical model, and there is definitely an awareness for such a model, and they may categorize this into a dissociative aspect, yet there must be consideration for the impact to the soul, this fits into the experience which is outside of human awareness as well.
In all things, you are still you, no matter the complexities of the trauma. Let me add here, if you are in an environment which is traumatic, or you are continuously being traumatized, please find a way to get help, perhaps immediately. Know you have worth and value, and you are still you, unique.
The answer to the question, “Is it really me?” Is ‘yes, it is you.’ We are resilient, but can experience trauma to such extents that it may be easy to lose or forget who you are through things you have experienced or through events and sequences where you may feel as if you lost your soul.
It is you, beautifully broken in the sacred tragic events in which no one is immune. I was not prepared for the first spiritual battle wound of holding someone as they died at such a young age, but I know others who have experienced more horrific and painful events than I. Perhaps you?
I have not been able to go to the place where my girlfriend was killed, after the incident, I attempted to go to the site, and my mind saw her standing in a white gown at the place where she died. I have not tried to go back since, but that place holds a sacred moment, and scars of the soul which will be a part of me as I continue the journey.
We are informed within the trauma, but it does not remove our identity. Keep walking.
[1] Wilkinson, Margaret. “Mind, brain, and body. Healing Trauma: The way forward.” The Journal of Analytical Psychology (2017): Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1111/1468-5922.12335.
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Thank you always,